Anxious It makes me Anxious

As the title would suggest I am a sufferer of really bad Anxiety & stops me from doing things in life.

My Anxiety got the better of me at Junior school after the loss of my mother when I was 7.

I'd finish my work ahead of everyone else and the more the teachers ignored me the more Anxious I would get.

Which would then culminate in a Panic attack (Which people always put down as me being Disruptive)

I wasn't being disruptive or violent it was my Anxiety rearing its ugly head.

I was shipped out to a Special School in the end for emotional difficulties.

Even when I started out as DJ in 1987 my Anxiety was still bad.

Someone arranged for me to DJ at a party before the gig I got stage fright I later ended up curled up in a ball on my bed.

On another occasion I was called over to the DJ booth in a nightclub and they wanted me to spin a few tunes, second I got behind the decks my mouth went dry and I froze and had a panic attack. I left the club shortly afterwards and went home.

I had a major panic attack in 1996 at 3am in the morning that almost stopped me from breathing. I was rushed into hospital after my flat mate called an ambulance. They thought it was a heart attack at first.

A nurse at a Hospital in Manchester mistook my panic attack as me being threatening towards her she called security. Which made me worse. I went before security decided to haul me off. I felt to be made small for something I'm rarely able to control

Even now my Anxiety is really bad and has been since I lost my Husband in January 2020 to Cancer.

I've retired from DJ work as the thought of standing in front of a crowd fills me with dread.

I will always have Anxiety & it doesn't matter how many Psychologists I've seen over the years nothing ever helps.

40 years now I've been living with Anxiety and its tiring me out, I never sleep properly.

If I knew a way of stopping my Anxiety don't you think I'd have found that coping mechanism by now?

I have good days and I have bad days I'm on medication for the panic attacks but they don't always control them.